How much you mean to me
by EmberXMystery
Summary: Alternate season 7. Adam didn't die earlier and was one of the crew memebers on the Atlas... and then they encounter a fleet that is seemingly impossible to beat. VERY SAD. NOT HAPPY. Good story but this isn't a cute Adashi fic, sorry! (Still has really cute parts though).


"Alright, the shields are up at 75% power," Adam said, turning to look at Shiro.

"Good," Shiro said. "Raise to 4.75 and head towards those ships. We need to help Voltron as much as we can."

Explosions were all around them. Galra ships, laser beams, even their own Garrison ships were flying everywhere. Crashing and shooting lasers.

It was pandemonium.

But Shiro knew he had to keep a level head.

"Incoming squadron," Adam told him.

Shiro acknowledged him and told the crew to counter with fire to the east.

He still couldn't believe Adam was there. He was in the Atlas with Shiro, taking orders from him like he was just an ordinary soldier. But there was something more. There was emotion in his voice every time he spoke.

It was choked and held back but there.

They hadn't had a chance to talk to each other since Shiro got back but he knew they needed to.

So much had changed.

Shiro had changed. When he looked at himself, he was forced to remember that his body wasn't even his own.

But they didn't have time to talk right now.

Shiro knew that they would talk after the battle. After they made it out.

"What are those?" Veronica said, pointing to the scanner that had picked up a new fleet of ships. "They are smaller than the normal fighters and more spherical."

"I'm not sure," Shiro said. "Keep a close eye on them. Watch to see what happens."

"There," Adam said pointing out the window.

Shiro saw a flash of ships flying in perfect formation past the Atlas. As he watched, they circled around and spread their formation into a circle. All at once, they fired a beam of purple energy that combined to shoot outwards and hit the Atlas.

The ship rocked and Shiro had to hold onto the control table to keep himself steady.

"Gah!" he cried, forcing the ship to level out as the small ships flew away only to circle back again.

"Taka—" Adam cried, his eyes wide in surprise, "I mean Captain Shiro, what should we do?"

Before Shiro could answer, the ships fired another blast, knocking the Atlas around even harder.

"Shields at 45%!" Veronica cried. "We can't take much more of this!"

"We need to take out those ships," Shiro said, "Focus all fire on them."

They tried every weapon they had but the shields of the ships just wouldn't break. They kept having to redirect their attention to crashing galra fighters or to a fleet trying to ambush them.

"It's no use," Adam said. "Maybe if something were to physically crash into them, then they would be destroyed on impact?"

"Adam," Shiro said softly, probably too softly, "We don't have the shield duration for that." The scanners said their shield was at 5%. If they took another hit... it would not be easy.

"Takashi," Adam said hurriedly, not bothering to correct himself (which Shiro admittedly found fairly enduring), "I have an idea. These ships are small and they all fly in a tight formation so what if another ship distracted them? I think their power cores might be behind them so if we could get them to turn around, then our weapons might do some damage."

"I think that just might work," Shiro said.

Before he could think out the plan any farther, Veronica yelled, "They are making another loop around!"

Shiro turned to her and told her to focus the shield's energy only on the front of the ship. They needed the entire durability of the shield to survive another blast.

"Adam, what if we sent a dr—" Shiro stopped short looking at Adam's empty chair. "Adam?" Shiro asked, looking around, hoping he was just being delusional.

"A ship has left the bay, sir," Veronica said.

"Get me communications with that ship _NOW,_ " Shiro yelled, panicking.

Shiro typed into the screen before him and suddenly he could hear Adam. A static line showed how sound was coming through and a monitor showed the scanners of where the ship was.

"Adam," Shiro warned, "Get out of there. It's not safe! We don't have good enough ships to make it there!"

"Takashi, It's okay," Adam said slowly, calmly. "This way the Atlas will be safe enough to defend Voltron."

"Adam! We can get through this! Get back on this ship. That's an order," Shiro was panicking, His heart racing. He couldn't think, the only thing going through his mind was _NO NO NOT ADAM_.

"You would do the same," Adam said and Shiro could almost hear the smile on his lips.

"We never had a chance to talk…" Shiro whispered, his voice cracking.

Shiro could hear Adam give a soft breath of laughter. "What would we talk about?"

He was getting closer to the ships.

"They are readying their canons, sir," Veronica said.

"Adam…." Shiro pleaded, not even caring about the Atlas. "Please. Turn back."

There was silence for a heartbeat and then Adam whispered, "I'm glad you are still the same, Takashi. I've missed you."

Shiro could hear the tears in his own voice. "Adam…. I've missed you too. Please… get back on the ship."

"The Garrison ship will impact the fleet, from behind, in five!" Veronica shouted.

"ADAM! GET BACK HERE!" Shiro tried once again, his voice raw with emotion.

"Goodbye, Takashi," Adam said softly. So softly.

"ADAM! ADAM NO!" Shiro yelled, his voice breaking and his chest caving inwards.

"I love you," Adam whispered.

"ADAM—"

There was a loud crackling explosion and then nothing.

...

...

...

...

...

...

Silence.

...

...

...

...

...

A crackling Silence so loud that it caved in on Shiro's ears.

Ringing.

"Adam…." Shiro whispered.

"ADAM CAN YOU HEAR ME?" he yelled.

"Sir, the ship…" Veronica started to say.

"ADAM! ANSWER!"

"Sir, he's gone…"

"No!" Shiro said forcefully. "NO! ADAM! ADAM ANSWER ME."

"Shiro…" Coran was speaking. He had stood up and was facing Shiro, his eyes were distant and unfocused, or maybe that was just Shiro's. "Shiro… Adam… he… he was a very brave man. The galra ships are gone."

"That doesn't matter!" Shiro snapped.

Shiro put his hands to his face. One was the flesh of a clone, the other a piece of metal. He felt tears on his face. He hadn't even realized he was crying.

"Adam made a brave sacrifice," Iverson said.

"Sacrifice?" Shiro cried, his voice rising in anguish, "I- I don't care about Sacrifice! I… Adam— he… he told me…. And I never got to— I never got to say… goodbye…"

" _I never told you that I love you, Adam_."

" _I never told you how much you mean to me._ "

" _I never told you."_

Rough sobs wracked through Shiro. Tears flowed in constant streams from his eyes.

He felt like the weight of a thousand pounds had settled in his chest.

He felt like a black hole had opened inside of him.

He felt worse than after he had died. He felt worse than he did remembering himself- the clone- attacking Keith.

This pain was more painful than all of the torture he had ever felt when imprisoned.

And the Galra had done this.

Sendak had taken everything from him.

 _Everything_.

Shiro hadn't hesitated to board Sendak's ship. He had barely felt the pain of being used as a computer cord again. He couldn't feel anything.

Then he was on top of the ship.

He was running.

The ship was falling.

Shiro didn't even know where he was going. He had no reason to live. But maybe he could still avenge Adam.

And then… there he was.

 _Sendak_.

"YOU!" Shiro screamed, all of his rage exploding within him.

He charged at Sendak, dodging his laser beams and swipes. Shiro ducked around his arm and hit him from behind, knocking him downwards.

In an instant, Shiro was attacking.

He wasn't even thinking.

He was punching and clawing at Sendak. Kicking him. Throwing him around. He could dodge anything. He didn't even think about it. He wasn't concerned with the edge of the ship. He wasn't concerned with the impact, all he could think about was avenging Adam.

Shiro fought.

He screamed.

Rage coursed through his every vein.

He pinned Sendak down, punching him with all of the strength he had. "YOU." Hit. "TOOK." Hit. "MY." Hit. "ADAM." Hit. "AWAY." Hit. "FROM." Hit. "ME!"

Shiro got off of him and picked him up by the collar of his armor.

"You can torture me. Clone me. KILL ME. But _this time,_ " Shiro's voice got dangerously low, " _This time_ , you took something that can _Never_ be replaced. You. Took. _Adam_."

Shiro shoved him up against the wall and leaned in. His face twisted in a snarl and his eyes gleaming with murder.

And then, Sendak laughed. It was a burbling laugh. A laugh that coughed up dark red blood so dark it was purple. The blood bubbled out of Sendak's mouth and some was spit onto Shiro's face.

"All pathetic humans are the same," Sendak muttered, wincing with every breath. "You do the most stupid thing imaginable. You care for other pathetic, worthless, human, _scum_."

"ARGH!" Shiro yelled as he flung Sendak across the ship's surface.

Shiro was breathing heavily. He felt tears glistening at the corner of his eyes.

"Shiro!" He heard, but it didn't matter. First, he needed to get rid of Sendak.

And then something was pulling him back.

Someone had grabbed his arm. His human arm.

"Shiro!"

Keith. Keith was there.

"Shiro come on. The ship is about to crash, we need to go."

"No!" Shiro yelled, trying to wrenched his arm free of Keith's grasp.

"Sendak will die in the crash!" Keith said, looking back towards the Black Lion just behind them.

"No! Keith! You don't understand," Shiro spit. "He took Adam from me— he… he _Killed_ Adam. Adam is dead and it is his fault!"

Keith was quiet but his grip remained strong.

"Shiro… look at yourself."

Shiro stared into Keith's eyes and then he obliged. He looked at his hands. His hands which were stained maroon with Sendak's blood. He noticed how he hadn't even seen the blood.

He looked around. There was blood all over the ship. There was some on the wall Shiro had been pressing Sendak against. There was a smear of it on the floor where Sendak had slid to where he now lay, probably unconscious.

Shiro reached up with his blood-stained metallic hand and touched his cheek. He was certain that there was blood there but he couldn't tell because of how much was caked onto his hand. He knew he was crying, though. Warm, thick, heavy tears fell from his eyes.

Suddenly, all of the rage receded. Shiro felt weak.

He dropped to his knees and Keith caught him.

"What have I done?" he whispered.

He couldn't imagine what Adam would think. If…

"You did what you had to. Now, the ship is about to crash. We have to get out of here."

"Adam… he killed Adam," Shiro whispered, his voice cracking in a sob.

" _Shiro_ ," Keith said forcefully, already trying to stand up with Shiro, "Would Adam want you to just throw your life away? Or would he want you to get back up and fight?"

Shiro didn't answer. But he stood up shakily. His knees felt like gelatin as he stumbled towards Black.

Once they were inside, Shiro collapsed onto the floor as Black took off.

He felt tired.

So very tired.

His hands were stained with blood.

His heart was as heavy as the moon.

He felt like he was empty.

Like he couldn't be whole again. Like he couldn't… move.

He couldn't breathe.

An ocean was in his throat, choking him.

But… oddly, he felt warm. He felt like Adam was there, resting a hand on his shoulder and smiling at him. He felt like he could lean back, rest his head on Adam's chest and hear him whisper "Takashi."


End file.
